With all of the sexual assault controversy going around in the media right now, I wanted to write about something positive on this front.
First, I am a sexual assault survivor. No, I was not raped. I did; however, have a man try to force my clothes off with the intention of raping me and would have succeeded if I hadn’t fought back and someone had walked in the room at just the right time. I did; however, have a man forcibly touch me while he held his hand over my mouth so I could not scream. I had that very same man accuse me of liking, even wanting it, because my sex organs reacted positively to the experience, even though I tried to escape and cried through the whole experience. He accused me of asking for it as he held his hand over my mouth while I tried to scream for help. I had a man grab me by the hair and force his penis in my mouth while telling me this is what girlfriends are supposed to do. Afterward, he told me if I ever told anyone, he would expose me for the slut I was. He told me no one would believe me because I was his girlfriend. So I never reported. I never will, and I never care to, because I see how victims are treated and I would rather deal with my past than have to have my name dragged through the mud as a liar.
Years and years later, I married the man of my dreams while pushing my awful experiences into the deepest part of my memory. Unfortunately, my experiences have impacted me and my sex life in our marriage, but my loving husband is so incredibly patient and kind and I am overcoming all of my struggles. My husband is everything a man should be.
Last night, my husband became frisky while I was sleeping. I typically enjoy being woken up in such a way. It makes me feel wanted and it is so spontaneous. Last night, though, I just wasn’t feeling it. I sleepily rolled over and told him I was tired and not really in the mood. And the most amazing thing happened! My husband said okay and stopped. He snuggled up next to me and fell asleep.
Why is it that my husband, who has reasonable expectation to have sex with me on a regular basis since we are married, can accept the word “no” within a second of it coming out of my mouth? Why is it that men that are strangers, just friends, random hook-ups, and boyfriends, have such a hard time accepting no when it is repeated? Even shouted? Whispered through tears? Why can my husband give me a peck on the cheek and snuggle up next to me while other men whine, coerce, and force themselves on women?
It’s simple. Because my husband is a real man. My husband respects women. My husband is a good person. Men, learn to take the word “no” as no and stop immediately. Be a real man and respect women. Be like my husband.